Opposites of Sri Lanka and Singapore.

So I am now in Singapore.  Actually I’m in a Dunkin Donuts in a huge mall because they have wifi.  After more than a week in Sri Lanka, I have completely changed pace.  Things are so different here in Singapore than in Sri Lanka.  On a number of occasions, I’ve seen people relieve themselves right in public in Sri Lanka.   People don’t bat an eye if some dude is taking a leak just feet off the roadside.  Here in Singapore, you can get seriously fined if you as much as drop a scrap a paper, much less your urine.  Also, traffic was a free-for-all in Sri Lanka with vehicles choosing whichever lane that suits their needs.  In Singapore, I’ve noticed people will generally stand to the left on the escalator.  Why?  To allow people to pass on the right. 

While things are certainly more organized in Singapore, there is one difference in terms of the people that I’ve picked up on pretty quickly, and this one is decidedly in favor of Sri Lanka.  People in Sri Lanka are more warm and quick to smile at you.  Like in most large urban areas, people in Singapore are bit more jaded.  As an American, one the adjustments I have to make is when in restaurants.   The word “service” takes on a different meaning in many Asian countries.  Servers never come to you; you have to flag them down if you want anything at all. 

As I’m sitting here in Dunkin Donuts, I’m simply amazed how packed the place is.  Dunkin Donuts seems to be hugely popular everywhere except the U.S.  I noticed the same in Colombia.  In Colombia there were also Dunkin Donuts found in fancified malls.  This is actually my second visit to this particular mall in Singapore, the Ion Orchard.  It is one the newer and largest malls in Singapore, and is found along Orchard Road.  Orchard Road itself is a mall of malls, as many malls line the street.  Singaporeans are known to love shopping, and this place shows it.  I can’t convey how insanely crowded this mall is.  It’s like half of Tucson packed into six stories of retail madness. 

Don’t get the wrong idea here; I haven’t been spending all my time shopping.  I’ve been mostly been doing the tour group thing.    On my first day of arrival, I landed around 6:00 in the morning.  As you may or may not know, this author cannot sleep on airplanes.  I just can’t get myself comfortable to be able to sleep properly.  I enjoy doing it on my back.  Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound right.  Anyway, ever the ambitious traveler, I booked a tour for that same afternoon, knowing full well that I wouldn’t get any sleep.  It was a cool tour.  If you’re a war nerd.  It was basically a World War II tour that highlighted all the places involved during the war.  That was three days ago.  I went on a different one today also.  Today’s was much better since we visited a memorial museum and the guide was so into the storytelling.  Seriously, I was truly moved when she told of the survival stories of some of the prisoners of war. 

Virtually everything in Singapore is done to perfection.  It’s so freaking clean, orderly and neat here.  I would move here in a heartbeat if it weren’t for one thing:  it’s also so freaking humid here.  While Singapore is heaven on earth in many ways, it feels like hell in terms of the sweltering heat.  Well, I wouldn’t know since I’ve never been to hell, but I’m sure it’ll happen soon enough.  Seriously, the first day’s tour was the worst, but it has gotten somewhat better.  Somewhat.   Here’s an idea of what was going on my mind during the first tour.  Mind you, almost all of it was outdoors. 

Tour guide:  “Over three thousand Allied soldiers were slaughtered at this site…”

Me:  Interesting.  I wonder why my huggies are sticking to my ass.  If I had a brassiere, it would probably be sticking to me too. 

Tour guide:  “This gun was placed to repel any possible Japanese naval attack from the east…”

Me:  That makes sense.  I think I may be going blind with the steam or maybe my eyeballs are dehydrated.

Tour guide:  “The Japanese soldiers killed almost everyone in the hospital, including patients, doctors and nurses…”

Me:  Geez.  Is it scientifically possible to have more than 100% humidity because it feels like it? 

I’m not kidding when I say that I probably spent the majority of the time thinking how hot it was or how much I was sweating.  That part about my huggies sticking to me is partly true.  No, I don’t wear diapers, but I do wear boxers.  Not to gross you out, but every time I come back to my hotel room, I immediately take a shower.  And because I’ve been sweating my ass off, those boxers tend be soaked in sweat, and thus stick to my body as I’m taking them off.  That’s a nice image to etch in your mind for this food blog.  Ha, I crack myself up.  Speaking of cracks, guess what was sweating the next day?

The next day was spent sleeping.  Well, I overslept and missed my morning walking tour.  I did make it to the evening tour.  I think it was the first tour I’ve been on where it focused going to pubs and drinking.  Actually the first half was about the history of the colonial Singapore.  The second half was the pub tour.  At each of the three pubs, we the tour group was allowed a discounted price on half pint drafts.  It was just me and two other Australian brothers.  Our last pub stop, at Molly Malone’s, was crazy.  We had not one, but two drunk dudes randomly come up to our group and talk to us.  The first guy was absolutely plastered.  He’s alone sitting next to us with two pint glasses of beer and two full shot glasses.  He approaches us and just starts chatting away.  It begins benignly with him asking us where we’re from and telling us that he’s from Wales.  He then proceeds tells us that he’s lost his friend. 

I thought he was amusing, but I could tell on the Australians was getting annoyed.  Mr. drunk Welsh guy said some other random stuff, but the funniest one was when he said, “Oh these guys are p*****s.”  To the tour guide lady.  Who is like in her late forties.  He said it laughingly, and I don’t think he meant it in the way most guys intend it to be.  After his guy was led in the back by a server, the same Australian asked, “Did he just call us p*****s?”  I replied, “I think he did.”  Then the tour guide sort of apologized and said that she’s never seen anyone that pissed.  That means drunk in many English speaking parts of the world outside of the U.S., by the way. 

Last night’s tour was pretty interesting.  It was another night tour but in Chinatown.  There was some nice, historical tidbits about the stuff that isn’t in history books.  Most of it was about opium, murders, and prostitution.  All good stuff.  While prostitution of the past was quite illuminating, it was the second half of the tour that got a rise out of me:  it was about the current prostitution situation in Singapore.  We even walked past an actual brothel.  But like all things of this nature, it was pretty tame, sterile and anti-climatic.  Much like my very own love life.  This supposed house of ill repute had its door open, but all I saw was an old lady sweeping, a small lobby room, a desk, and a sink.  That was it.  The tour guide said that prostitution in the area was being cleaned up by the government.  In fact, the area looked pretty upscale and swanky to me.  There were quite a few nice boutique type hotels and fancy looking restaurants/bars.  Damn government cleaning things up.   The tour guide went into quite a bit of detail regarding prostitution in Singapore.  I’ll have to do more research on this subject and get back to you.  With lots of photos, of course.  Wait a minute, this is a food blog?  Isn’t it?

Noodles and sausage in small place near MRT station

Thali dish

Hainan Chicken from Tian Tian in the Maxwell Food Center.

Wonton and noodle soup.

Iced Green Tea Latte from you know where.

Ice cream sandwich.

Some non-local cuisine.

Beer #1 on a guided pub crawl tour.

Beer #2 on a guided pub crawl tour.

Beer #3 on a guided pub crawl tour.

Before I end this post, did I mention how steamy it is here?  There are a bunch of outdoor food hawker centers, but I have no idea how people are able to eat in this weather.  This is why I'm sitting in a nice, chilly mall.  Actually, like Bangkok, the mall food in Singapore is really good.  And more expensive.  Maybe that drunk Welsh guy was right.  I am a p***y.